Letting yourself go … Go where exactly?

“Have you seen her recently? She’s let herself go”

This unwanted opinion has been targeted at women for decades. Tabloids and trash mags in the 90s and 00s were full of this kind of unpleasantness, positioned next to a stolen moment on a long distance lens of some celeb having freshly extracted a child from her womb wearing no make up and a wonky mum bun … Shocker!!

For young women this is just the warm up.

You’ll hear it about a mum who hasn’t worn makeup to the school pick up in a year. The woman who's stopped colouring her greys. Or put on weight after menopause.

"She's really let herself go."

Nobody ever finishes the sentence. Go where?

Where’s she gone?

For a wander in the woods ?

Cattle mustering in the outback?

Or off to the magical land of ‘Not giving a f*ck about your opinion’?

You never hear "she's let herself go" in the same way as "she's let herself relax" or "she's let herself off the hook." It's always said with a sense of judgement or pity.

It’s worth looking at the options here :

Letting yourself go VS staying a version of yourself that everyone else is comfortable with.

Staying as that acceptable, palatable version of yourself takes a monumental amount of energy.

The endless root touch-ups, the restrictive diets, the hair removal, the smiling through gritted teeth, and the relentless pursuit of preserving the woman you were at twenty-eight.

It’s a full-time job that pays absolute peanuts in genuine happiness.

So, what if

letting yourself go actually meant letting yourself arrive?

Imagine letting go of the exhausting expectations.

Letting go of the need to be constantly ready for your close-up, for an audience that primed themselves to judge you anway.

Letting go of the tight waistbands and the even tighter societal rules.

I’m thinking that the women who have supposedly let themselves go are often the ones who have found themselves.

They’ve arrived at a place where their comfort dictates their choices, where their bodies are vessels for living rather than ornaments for display, and where their peace of mind is worth far more than a stranger's fleeting approval.

Nope, they haven’t given up, they've just stopped playing a game they never asked to participate in.

So, the next time you hear someone whisper that a woman has let herself go, take a closer look at her.

Chances are, she hasn't gone missing at all. She's just gone free.

And frankly? We should all follow her there. It looks magnificent.

If you’re ready to do a little letting go of your own, come join me on Unravelling: The Diary of a Midlife Mess podcast as I chat with women who’ve done some life-ing, and have some wisdom to share.